Unpacking Your Family of Origin
Rosie Wants to be Closer to Her Husband
Once totally in love with her husband, Mike, Rosie now disconnects from him.
She knows he’s a wonderful man, a gentle, quiet man. Sometimes though, she surprises herself when they’re arguing. Her anger, even over small things, feels more intense than it should.
What’s going on? I want to be close to him. I want this to be a happy home – for us, for our girls.
Susan is Overloaded and Exhausted
Susan had initially loved her job at a busy not-for-profit. Their mission felt so right to her; she had been thrilled when she got the position.
Now, after only a few years, her enthusiasm is gone. She knows she works harder than anyone else there. Still, she can’t keep up.
It’s not just work either. Although Susan is scurrying around doing things all day long, she’s behind in every area of her life. Every night she drops into bed exhausted.
Work is too much. The house is a mess. I even missed the coffee with Lulu. How do other people do this?
You Take Your Family with You Everywhere You Go
Family is our blueprint for who we are in the world. We carry what we learn in those first relationships with us all our lives.
We filter our perceptions of others, their behavior, and their words through our family experiences. We apply this family model, not even choosing to do so.
Family taught you everything, whether you realize it. It taught you how to love yourself and others. It taught you whether you had a voice and if anyone would hear if you used it.
The past connects to and influences the present. Making sense of those connections can help you move forward in new and creative ways.
Therapy Helps You Understand Your Past to Change Your Future
Following graduate school, I studied Structural Family Therapy at the Philadelphia Child & Family Therapy Training Center. I loved learning about the dynamics at play in our families and how they can shape us and impact us throughout our lives.
At the time, I thought this meant I should be a family therapist. But over time, I discovered I prefer using this knowledge to support individuals – standing by them as they explore their experiences and work to create the families, relationships, and connections they want to have.
This type of therapy is primarily talk therapy, a mutual exploration looking at past and current relationships with an eye toward possibilities for the future.
Rosie Developed Insight into Her Anger
In therapy, Rosie discovered that Mike sometimes reminded her of her late father. He had been a quiet, distant man that didn’t join in. Her mother confided her unhappiness in the marriage while Rosie was a teen and often brought it up. Rosie resented them both – her father’s distance, her mother’s pulling her into the relationship.
As Rosie continued to look at how her family of origin played out in her marriage, she came to see what was under her anger at Mike. When his quiet nature felt like distance, she panicked. This understanding was a big relief for Rosie and helped Mike, too. Rosie began to talk with him when her fears came up instead of leaving things to fester.
Rosie and Mike reconnected. Their marriage felt strong again.
Susan Brought Balance into Her Life
In therapy, Susan realized her inability to say no. She realized that growing up, she had little opportunity to practice asserting herself. Her father made the decisions in the family. Her mother got her own way only when she went behind his back. But Susan wanted to please; she almost always did as she was told.
Susan explored constructive ways to set boundaries and practice using them at work and with friends and family. It was hard and scary, but Susan kept it up. She noticed she felt better just asserting herself.
Over time, her life became more manageable. And she noticed positive shifts in her relationships.
You Can Have Great Relationships
Let’s talk about how unpacking your family of origin can help you navigate your life and your relationships in more fulfilling ways.
Call (720) 593-6867 for a free 20-minute consultation.